by Sophie Fletcher at Mindful Mamma UK

I wrote this birth meditation a few years ago after I attended a retreat with Thich Nhat Hanh, a well known Buddhist monk. He’s written a very beautiful pebble meditation which I do sometimes with my children, but which I’ve adapted for pregnancy. I just thought that it fitted perfectly.  We give it out as an additional birth meditation or a slightly different way to do your affirmations in our class, it’s not for everyone but give it a chance as it can be a very peaceful thing to do.

You can either do this birth meditation on its own,  just read it out loud somewhere quiet to yourself on a daily basis, or actually do a pebble mediation with it. To do this go for a quiet walk and collect 4 pebbles on your way. Each time you do the birth meditation, for each element take a pebble in your hand, a round one can be reflective or pregnancy, and turn it over in your hand observing the pebble closely, it’s weight, how it feels in your hand, what you can see on it then read the affirmation with that pebble before moving onto the next pebble and next affirmation.

You can continue to do this birth mediation with you baby, then toddler after they are born. It’s a very simple but lovely exercise as it does connect you unconsciously with the true depths and heights of your being during pregnancy.

Mindful Mamma Birth Meditation

I am like a flower.

“I am beautiful like a flower, aware of this tiny baby blossoming like a flower within me. I am unique, my baby is unique. I promise to nourish and love myself, thereby nourishing and loving my baby growing within. By watering the flower within me, we both grow strong and healthy. At birth I unfold like a flower unfurling in the warmth of the sun.”

Strong like a mountain

“I am strong like a mountain. I touch the earth and sky, at one with nature and with my baby. In my strength and my solidity I support my baby. With this strength I empower myself and prepare for my incredible birth”

Moon birth reflection lake

“I am like a lake. Crystal clear, calm and tranquil. Still – as if you could take the perfect picture. In my tranquility and peace, peace and tranquility in others are reflected. My baby benefits from this calm and their development and birth is also reflected in my tranquility. When I smile, others see this peace deeply within me and I reflect on my love for my baby developing within his or her calm and peaceful waters”

Space around and within me.

“I am like space. I have movement all around and feel my baby moving freely within. My mind is free and still. My focus is clear in this space and I have freedom and a deep sense of peace and of who I am and how I communicate with my baby growing within me. Space gives me clarity and comfort both while I am pregnant and during my baby’s birth”

Adapted from the pebble meditation by Thich Nhat Hanh

Copyright Sophie Fletcher 2009.

 There has long been a debate on the web about hypnobirthing and how long a hypnobirthing course should be – how many classes and over what period of time you should attend. I’ve taught several different methods, including Mongan and Leclaire methods, Mongan teaches over a 5 sessions, LeClaire a day, and others over a weekend.

Having taught all these methods if I’m honest I’ve seen absolutely no difference in outcomes however many sessions and over which amount of time.  I’m very careful about recording my outcomes as well.   There is no evidence at all to show that a hypnobirthing course over 5 sessions is better than a day or a weekend; when I stopped teaching the same course over a weekend and spread it over the 5 sessions I had the same outcomes.  In fact many women would only really start focussing on the birth quite late in their pregnancy, and it wasn’t uncommon for someone to go into labour before the hypnobirthing course had finished if they were doing it over 5 weeks. Now that I teach a day class I get people attending the class the week before they are due and go on to have a great birth experience.  It can be a lightbulb moment for women and they can change their thoughts about birth,in a way that will impact positively on their experience, in less than an hour sometimes.

When we founded Mindful Mamma the aim was to create a hypnobirthing course, which was effective, short and affordable.   You can read about our ethos here. Both Mia and myself have had 16 years of experience as hypnobirthing practitioners, Mia is also a clinical psychologist and I’m a hypnotherapist.  The shortest we could condense, what we considered, the requisite learning into was 6 hours.

Going to a class taught by experienced practitioners, either trained in psychological techniques or as Midwives or NCT teachers makes an enormous difference.  I am constantly blown away by feedback from clients who say that their practitioner moved them and their partner forward preparing for the birth in ways they couldn’t have imagined.  I think that skilled practitioner is able to do this quickly even in a group situation.

The secret in a good hypnobirth is not coming back each week, the secret is taking responsibility for what you have learned and applying it yourself by practicing every day.  When I used to teach a hypnobirthing course (Mongan) over 5 weeks I found that many women didn’t always practice everyday, they waited until the next session and weren’t taking ownership of what they were learning. In fact the person that taught me HypnoBirthing was ruthless and would threaten to throw people of the course saying “you’re wasting your money, your time, my time and taking up a place of a couple that really want to do this”.

So why and how can you learn effectively with a shorter hypnobirthing course?

 Pavlov’s dog the earliest experiment in body conditioning is an example of how simple it is. The researchers would play a metronome and feed a dog, until that dog would salivate at hearing the metronome even if the food wasn’t there. If you are taught simple easy to use techniques you can confidently do this at home. For example burning lavender each time you listen to your relaxation mp3, means that after doing this regularly your body will relax just to the smell of lavender without the mp3 even being on.  We even embed direction on using the techniques into the mp3 we give out in the class so that when you listen to it, you are learning the techniques unconsciously as well as consciously.

You can continue to learn after the hypnobirthing course as well; we have a book list written by mums for mums that will teach you about birth in a positive way.  Again you make the choice to pick up or read a book on that list.  Reading it yourself is important. If I were to read the outline the book or read excerpts in a class for you, it would not necessarily have the same impact, and the unconscious process that you experience would be different.

As an experienced hypnotherapist I know that I can make great changes in my clients whether it’s anxiety, phobias, or confidence by teaching them to take ownership of the changes they wish to see.   I always teach them self-hypnosis and other cognitive exercises, as I know that being an active participant is the greatest tool in change and achieving what you’ve chosen to achieve.  As a hypnotherapist I rarely see a client for longer than 4 sessions (four hours) and I like to inspire change from within them rather than my clients being dependent on me to do it with them or for them.

Whether you do a hypnobirthing course 5 sessions, over a weekend or a day, the emphasis should be on practice and simplicity. You should feel confident enough to adapt those techniques because you understand the basics of how they work. In this way I know that Mindful Mamma is empowering women and their birthing partners to take responsibility and to make their own choices.  How do I know? Because of the feedback I get from them.

Occasionally there is someone on the class that I think would benefit from longer contact time, but they have an option to come and see me privately which some do, but for no more than a couple of sessions.   Personally I feel that the option of doing a class, then further work on a private basis if I needed it is a great one and means that someone can engage as much or as little with it as they wish.

So if you are looking for a hypnobirthing class and it includes the following then it sounds about right, irrespective of length.

Any hypnobirthing course should be long enough to include the following

• How your hormones respond to external environments, (people and places), and internal environments (thoughts)
• Understanding choice and confident questioning
• How your birthing partner can support you using hypnosis
• The techniques themselves
• A hypnosis fear release

Happy hypnobirthing!

by Sophie Fletcher

Many years ago I met a friend of my husband who was 24 and had a 10 year old daughter. The story goes that her mum phoned her dad in the pub and asked him to come home because Anna was having a baby. He replied “I’ll finish my pint and I’ll come home and we’ll sit down and discuss what we are going to do”. Then her mother shouted “ now, she’s having the baby now”.  Anna gave birth to her little girl within the next couple of hours, with little more than a bit of stomach ache and sitting on the loo. So apart from thinking she had a bit of an upset tummy, she was fine. I thought “how on earth could someone be pregnant and not know and is that what you would call a pain free labour?”.

When I became pregnant I was in very good shape, it was just after I got married and had spent months toning and exercising to squeeze into my dress.  Throughout my pregnancy I had intermittent bleeding, I had no morning sickness at all, and I didn’t show until very late on in my pregnancy. In fact I recall at 24 weeks, putting on my new Isabella Oliver trousers on the tightest setting to go to work and then proudly sticking my tiny rounded tummy out. When I did go into labour early my ‘tiny bump’ was commented on.  I’m sure if I had been on birth control and not  planning a family that being pregnant would have been the last thing I’d have thought of.  In my years of teaching I have seen women with very very small bumps, and women with huge bumps. Conversely a friend of mine who definitely isn’t pregnant has IBS and is always complaining she looks pregnant, another has fibroids and her abdomen can get quite swollen.

I can see how possible it could be years before pregnancy tests, or even today if you are taking precautions that have failed. It’s rare but it happens.  When researching this, I stumbled across a show that is running in the US called “I didn’t know I was pregnant”. If you want to see it, google it, it’s full of Discovery Health drama so I won’t post it, but you can read this very funny critique of it here.  How could I have not known about this show!

What really interested me is how women who don’t know they are pregnant experience having a baby, do they have what would be considered a pain free labour?   There are many antenatal classes today that focus on the aspect of fear and expectation; the ideology that when we are pregnant, we become anxious of labour which creates physical tension, which in turn make birth much more painful than nature intended it to be. Some hypnobirthing models avoid the word pain altogether and say birth isn’t meant to be painful. It’s certainly true that expectation of pain, whatever that pain is, increases our perception of the intensity of that pain.  Prof Irene Tracey at Cambridge University has undertaken some significant work on expectations of pain and in a recent study examined how manipulating participants’ expectations of pain can influence their response to an active drug. So in theory if you aren’t expecting to give birth, you don’t have the same level of expectation could you have a pain free labour.

 A study published last year by her, showed that volunteer’s experience was influenced not by the drug but whether they were told the drug had or had not been administered. This showed the volunteers really did experience different levels of pain when their expectations were changed, although the administration of pain relief remained constant.

I’ve heard an anesthetist say that he frequently goes to administer a epidural, he may put pressure on the area, insert the needle and ask “how is that”, for the mum to say “oh thank you that’s fantastic such a relief” before he’s actually put the drug in. I heard mums ask if their partner can put the tens machine up, only to get relief before the partner has turned it up.

The power of hypnosis is also undeniably a brilliant pain management tool. Suggestions used during hypnosis distract the mind through disassociation, but also embed the belief that everything is well and fine and that the more they let go the more comfortable they are, and the more comfortable they are the easier it is to let go. Effectively reducing the expectation of pain.  As a hypnotherapist in my general practice, I often work with people who have chronic pain; their pain is constant and yet when they are under hypnosis the pain disappears, and remains much less even after the session has finished.  To read an extreme example of how hypnosis can manage physical sensation and pain read this article by Dr John Butler on his own hernia operation using hypnosis.

As a doula I use deep hypnosis for women, that are in a long latent stage, to get rest. After a short session of hypnosis people generally feel energized so it’s a great way of helping to manage this. Recently a client who had had an epidural with her first birth said that it was amazing and as effective as the epidural, she said during the deep hypnosis she went from having a labour with pain, to it being a pain free labour.

Expectation of pain during labour can create tension, which can create pain. However there is no denying that labour can trigger sensations for some women, sometimes powerful sensations, similar to stomach aches. This can be unexpected for women who are taught that strong sensations aren’t a part of labour.  If we are not prepared for the sensation of labour, our brains then fall back to default position and perceive it as pain, rather as pressure, tightening or aches.

Women who don’t know they are pregnant don’t build up that expectation of pain in labour.  Even if they are in unconscious denial of pregnancy they will avoid reading up, or listening to pregnancy related horror stories.

So I googled for stories, and found that as well as the show in America on the subject, a surprising amount of stories demonstrated consistencies in how women experienced the unexpected birth of a child.

•  This one from Leanne Carter, who felt a bit bloated before Christmas, but was still having her periods and had no other symptoms. She did experience stomach cramps but thought they were period pains, when they got bad (probably transition) they took her to hospital where she took herself off  to the loo and felt the urge to push, her baby boy was born shortly after.
•  Another girl, a student, again thought she had bad period pains, eventually went to hospital where they discovered she was pregnant, assumed she was 32 weeks, hooked her up to an ECG, she unhooked herself as she needed the loo. As she tried to go for a poo, things didn’t feel quite right and she reached down and could feel the top of her baby’s head. She said “a few pushes later and I had given birth. Amazingly I felt calm and focused. My oft potty mouth was expletive free. The only words I spoke were ‘I don’t need to’ when my friend told me I could make a noise”.
•  Someone worked a night shift in a hospital, stuck it out till she finished at 9am, went to A and E because of abdominal pains and a baby arrived just before lunchtime.
• A young teenager had played a hockey match and  then thought that she had a bit of stomach upset. Baby arrived a couple of hours later.

From all the stories I encountered there were consistencies on a number of things, the women complained of a stomach ache or feeling out of sorts, or back ache, but just put it down to other symptoms, went to lie down or managed in the same way they would a headache or flu. If the sensations got troublesome, usually only a short while before their baby was born, they took themselves to A&E. This is likely to be transition and that natural short surge of adrenaline just before baby is born. Without exception they all seemed to have very short labours simply because they treated it as they would a virus or stomach bug until the last moments before the baby was born.

The internet is awash with forums trying to second guess when a woman is going into labour, in many ways we are over educated and women are much more alert to the signs of their body warming up, thereby often assuming labour was longer than it was. For some women attention turns almost obsessively to those small indictors of labour being closer and the mind becomes focussed on every minute change, often exaggerating signs. On the other hand,  it’s not uncommon for very laid back mums to carry on with everyday tasks until they are no longer able and baby’s arrival is imminent.

I’d be really interested to hear your thoughts or stories of finding out you were pregnant very late on in your pregnancy, or anecdotal stories from your parents or grandparents. Especially if you felt you had a pain free labour. I’m sure there are plenty more out there!

by Sophie Fletcher

Our bodies get on with the task of quietly and painlessly growing an intricate human being.

I never really thought much about how I’d get the baby out; to be frank I’m a genuinely in the moment person, I tackle things as they happen and I don’t get scared of much, expect for missing my train and being late. It often bemuses me that women get so frightened about the birth, and that the main worry is ‘how is that going to get out of there’.  This seems especially perplexing when women aren’t often frightened by thoughts of, ‘how is that baby going to grow in me?’, ‘how is that tiny small fist sized womb going to grow and expand so my baby is going to fit in it?’. The body expanding and growing to accommodate baby is something we are largely accepting of and don’t spend too much time focusing on.

While pregnant women generally just carry on with their lives, complaining of tweaks and pressure here and there,  the more unfortunate ones may have more physical challenges such as SPD, or bad reflux as the baby grows and the stomach is pushed upwards.   However, women don’t fear these, they accept them, find ways of managing and just carry on with the pregnancy.

So why do we trust and accept that our bodies are going to expand and stretch enormousl?That our womb will grow from the size of small fist to the size of a large basketball and that all our internal organs will reorganise themselves, but we don’t accept that our body is designed to actually birth our baby?  WE GROW A BABY, with tiny hands, ears, eyes, arms, legs and a heart.  How incredibly amazing is that?  And you know what, we generally don’t think about it at all, our body just does it and we just accept it.  We don’t question that our heart gets larger, that our organs are pushed upwards and that our lung capacity gets smaller. Do we think, “oh no, I won’t be able to breath properly, I need help to expand my chest and get more oxygen in me”, no we don’t. This video shows how your internal organs are designed to reorganise themselves during pregnancy.

Grantly Dick-Reid, the man whose ideas underpin many other modern approaches to undisturbed physiological birth, understood that fear can slow labour down. He spent a good amount of time in his antenatal classes reassuring women and teaching them how their bodies were designed to birth by telling them exactly what happens as they go into labour.  His book Childbirth Without Fear is still a great book to read if you want to know more about what your body is designed to do.

Nowadays some antenatal teachers will demonstrate how our vaginas expand by pushing a doll through the neck of polo neck jumper, explaining how the muscles of your vagina relax and stretch. Others might use the example of an erection to help women understand that soft tissue in their body is designed to expand and that it’s soft tissue for a reason. When a man has an erection his penis always stretches very easily and very comfortably!  Then it always goes back to its normal size.

One midwife I know made me laugh when she said to me once, “I wish I could say in a class that your vagina is like a bucket, because it is during labour”. Many mums I know describe that second stage when baby is being born as the easiest as that’s the moment they realise that they’ve nearly done it and it’s ok.

Here are some facts about the birth that may help you understand how incredible your body is during labour as well as during pregnancy.

Relaxin:

 The hormone relaxin relaxes the body’s muscles, joints, and ligaments. Not surprisingly, the effect centers on the joints of the pelvis, allowing them to stretch during birth. It also softens and lengthens the cervix and helps relax and smooth muscles in the uterus and elsewhere throughout the body.  The vagina is like an accordion; it can stretch and return to its normal shape with the help of relaxin.

Baby’s head shape and a stretchy vagina

The baby’s head must be small and flexible to fit through the birth canal. The bones of a baby’s skull are soft and are able to mold into different positions. This is why babies that have been resting low in the pelvis waiting for delivery sometimes have pointy heads. The pieces of the skull are like a jigsaw, and can move easily to allow baby to move through the birth canal and then grow and expand over the first years of life to accommodate baby’s quickly growing brain.

To allow it to do what it’s meant to do, mum should be as relaxed as possible, this is something else we teach on our classes. Like any other tissues or muscles in our body, tension can make the job harder than it’s meant to be.

This great article explains the history of how our heads changed in utero to accommodate evolutionary changes in humans.

This one also explains the changes in your baby’s head from birth to ex-utero .

If you are worried about sex and the shape of your vagina this great little article talks about how incredible that soft tissue is.

A flexible coccyx

Your coccyx is designed to move out of the way as your baby’s head descends. This is why not lying on your back is important; if you have freedom of movement, it allows the coccyx freedom to move. The sacrococcygeal joint, the joint between the sacrum and the coccyx or tailbone, also softens in pregnancy; it is designed to swivel backwards to widen the outlet of the pelvis as the baby emerges.

If you can get your hands on an artificial pelvis you can see how a woman’s coccyx moves but a man’s doesn’t.

Increased discharge/amniotic fluid

As you near labour your body might be producing more discharge and it may be thicker, this is due to hormonal changes as you near labour, but also helps baby to slip out. Equally amniotic fluid can help moisten the vagina and assist baby’s descent.  Babies can sometimes be born very quickly once the head has been birthed and the midwife catches a slippery baby!

Oxytocin

Oxytocin is our best friend during labour and an incredible hormone. When we go into labour oxytocin levels go up, which increases beta-endorphins (feel good hormones) which help you body naturally manage any strong sensations in your body by producing your body’s own natural relief.

At Mindful Mamma we love oxytocin and on our classes we focus on how to make sure that you give birth in an an environment favourable to oxytocin.

Read more about oxytocin here http://bringbirthhome.com/birth-experience/role-of-oxytocin-during-childbirth/

 Baby helps itself out

Just as you know instinctively how to birth and to get into the correct positions during labour to help your baby out,  your baby knows how to help itself out. Often this is a good reason not to take drugs that can cross the placenta and make baby drowsy. An alert, unmedicated baby will help itself out by  wriggling, and moving about to help its way into the world. This little video shows how this is, and I love the little kicks the baby gives as if it were diving into the world.

 If you’re a practitioner or a mum who knows of a particularly interesting description of how birth works that may have be a lightbulb moment for you or for the people you teach, please share your descriptions. 

By Sophie Fletcher

Yesterday my friend Katie rang to say her cat, Sox, had finally given birth to the kittens we knew she was expecting. Last week we were watching her intently over coffee, her belly swaying in time with her step, noticing that as she lay down in various places in the sun trying to get comfortable she couldn’t lie for long.   We had a feel of her belly and you could feel at least 3 kittens in there moving around.   We hedged bets on when she would give birth, neither thinking it would be within the next few days.

Suddenly, Sox’s behaviour changed and she was restless, clawing at boxes in the study near where Katie has been making a box for her to nest in.  Birth was sure to be imminent! Katie put the box down for Sox and left the study. Tom her youngest had been unwell and having a few sleepless nights, so there had been lots of noise and movement through the night, but in the afternoon just after Katie popped the box down and joined Tom for an afternoon nap, Sox snuggled up in the afternoon quiet in her box in the darkness underneath the desk and gave birth to four kittens. Coming down an hour or so after putting the box out and having a nap Katie found her licking the sac off the kittens.

The study has become a no go area after the birth, so Sox can feed and nurture her kittens in quiet, undisturbed by the three rowdy children in the house.   My children are allowed to go and peek into the box, but not make their presence known and certainly not to touch the kittens at this stage.

We have more in common with Sox in how we birth than we think. One of the prerequisites for a good birth is that the mother is undisturbed, that she feels safe and that her environment supports this.  During her birth Sox was in the darkness under a desk away from prying eyes and free from people and interruption. She felt comfortable in her nest. Us humans make a joke of our ‘nesting instinct’ but it’s a wonderful reminder of the instinctive birthing mammal within us.

If you compare the expectations of Sox’s birth to your own, you realize that we didn’t know when Sox’s kittens were to be born, we just knew that she’d been getting bigger and slower! There was no due date at all.  We simply guessed when she’d give birth, we even had no idea when labour started.

When Sox gave birth, she instinctively knew when it was quiet and she wouldn’t be interrupted – when the house was sleeping.  This reminds me of a story that someone told me of how she labored really well while her birth attendant was sleeping, and that the gentle reassuring snoring helped her. She knew someone was there, and would be there if she needed them, but at the same time was utterly confident that she wasn’t been watched and would not be interrupted.

Then after the birth, Sox had time to bond with her kittens, us knowing that she may reject them, if the children or we touched them.   Her space will be kept quiet and protected for a few weeks at least.

If you compare this gentle, quiet experience to the bright lights of hospital, people chatting away, noise and interruption everywhere then you can begin to understand where we are going wrong. At the end of the day we are animals, with big brains that get in the way of birth.  Animals don’t have birth manuals, they just know what to do.  Let your brain go to sleep, let your animal instinct wake up and tune into what you want for your birth.   It’s probably not so different from what Sox wanted.

Seven months pregnant and counting 

By Sophie Fletcher

Seven. This seems to be a significant number when it comes to birth and the feelings that arise at seven months pregnant.

Phone calls from mums enquiring about our Mindful Mamma antenatal classes often come when they are seven months pregnant, a frantic “I’ve only got 12 weeks to go, is it too late?”“The fact that I’ve got to give birth in 8 weeks has only just dawned on me”.Why is it that mums to be suddenly make a psychological shift to thinking about the birth at this stage in their pregnancy?

The pragmatists amongst us would say, well of course the closer we get to something the more we think about it, so it stands to reason that the closer we get to birth, the more prominent that event becomes in our thinking until at one point, at about seven months pregnant, it begins to dominate our thoughts.

Putting pragmatism aside, I still believe that it is uncannily consistent and this interests me; why always when women are seven months pregnant? Then I read some research by Cyna et al, one of the better meta analyses of hypnosis for birth, and their findings showed that the best time to start preparing for birth using hypnosis was when women were around seven months pregnant.

I’m sure that it’s because there is shift in the mother towards the birth. For me this is similar to a microcosmic maternal individuation process, an unconscious shift, that begins to integrate the parts of the mother, the baby and the father as well as the surrounding community, in preparation for their new relationship as father and mother and their unit as a family.

Carl Jung, the famous psychoanalyst, talked about individuation as being a process that we undertake largely in the second part of our lives, but I strongly believe that a similar process of individuation takes place, on a smaller scale, in a mother during pregnancy and the birth itself and that this process begins in earnest at around seven months pregnant.

“Jung understood individuation to be something that began in the second half of life, when individuals reach the zenith of their lives and suddenly find themselves facing an unknown vista or some unforeseen upheaval. Sometimes this turning point takes the form of a crisis: such as a financial failure, a health problem, a broken relationship, or a change of residence or profession – something which upsets the status quo. Sometimes this experience assumes the form of a profound self-doubt, a loss of meaning or religious conviction, a questioning of everything previously held so dear. Sometimes it presents itself as a deep yearning or a call to change direction. And many times, it can manifest itself in powerful dreams and fantasies.”

We all know that women have pregnant women have powerful dreams, often difficult to understand.These dreams surface from a maelstrom of feelings and emotions during a time of profound change in true Jungian style.

At this stage all sorts of doubts and worries may begin to come up to the surface, doubts in their ability to birth, doubts as to whether they will be a good mother, feelings about their own childhood or their own relationship to their mother might arise.I’ve even heard some women say that they were faced with their own fear of death, during labour, something described by Leboyer in his landmark video “Birth without Violence”.But how empowering. Imagine being able to face your deepest fears, knowing you are loved and supported by all those around you, and to be able to conquer those fears and to come out on the other side, richer for the experience.

Just as with the formal process of Jungian individuation, with birth we become stronger, different, more aware of our own abilities to reach deep within our own resources and to come out understanding the extent of our own personal power. It is transformational, a gift and it upsets me that this is taken away, damped down and denied by unnecessary interventions or drugs during birth. When people ask me “why not take the drugs”, “what’s the point in experiencing a normal birth when you don’t have to feel anything”, I want to tell them that it is important to feel something, to be aware, to be in command, to be immersed in your true capabilities, but it’s quite an abstract concept to describe to someone who is set on an epidural.

It’s my belief that for some reason 7 months pregnant marks the start of this process.In the wonderful book ‘Birth Traditions’ by Jacqueline Vincent Priya different traditions across the world are explored, and they are remarkably consistent, the same themes emerge, but in different ways.One of those that is the ‘7 month ceremony”.

Priya writes that “Seven is a number with magical and spiritual significance…in many places this is the time for a special ceremony. Often this is carried out in the first pregnancy so that as well as protecting the couple and their unborn baby, preparing them for birth, it also established the couple socially in the status of potential family”.

Nowadays I see more of my clients undertaking what’s known as Bessingways to begin this journey when they are seven months pregnant and see it as a more meaningful alternative to a baby shower. It’s an opportunity to invite just a few close friends and have a celebration of the baby’s life and your journey into motherhood.

Here are some suggestions for a few things to do if you wanted to created your own blessingway when you are seven months pregnant, to begin your journey towards birth.

Poems – Each friend can bring a poem that represents something they want to share with you as part of your birth journey.

Beads – Some women like to create a bead bracelet for the birth, each friend gives you a bead with a few words to take into the birth with you. So that each time you twist or touch each bead, you are reminded of that friend and their support for you.

Belly Casting– Another popular activity for a blessingway.

Welcoming Wish – Each person writes a small wish for your baby onto a card and ties it to a tree, the mother can then take these down to read during labour and to save for the baby.

Welcome Gifts – Each friend makes a promise to do something to help you after baby is born, eg. your ironing, meals for a few days, to take your baby for a walk while you get some sleep…use your imagination!

These little steps which begin the gentle transformation from mum-to be, from when they are around seven months pregnant, to mother in a way that unconsciously strengthens you and prepares you for the incredible experience of birth.

OMG OMG OMG.

How excited can I get about ducklings? Two have hatched today in my garden. I saw their dark brown fluffy bodies and beautiful shiny eyes, and heard their cute cheep cheep. Seeing them peer out from their nest was almost as lovely as seeing a new baby born, looking up from her mother’s breast. (Actually, newly hatched ducklings are fluffier and less gooey – but not nearly so emotionally heartwarming).

We’ve had ducks for a while. I wanted to hatch some, and I wanted it to be as natural as possible. I knew that newly hatched ducklings imprint onto that which they see move, so they need their mummy around when they hatch, in order to follow mummy duck around the garden. I didn’t want ducklings in a box. I wanted them stumbling over stones and rocks, following mummy frantically and freely.

So we waited. And waited. No signs. These ducks have been bred for eggs, not breeding, so I guessed that their natural instincts had been bred out. And I wondered, while putting the washing out, how quickly instinctive birth can be lost after generations of caesarean sections?

Anyhow, we tried all sorts of other things. Getting chicken hens to sit on the eggs, using a home made incubator, using a posh incubator. To no avail.

Then, suddenly, mummy had made her very own nest, and was sitting on nine eggs! It wasn’t where we wanted her to be – but she was so well hidden that we realised she wasn’t in danger from foxes. We were delighted. But not as delighted as we are now that they have also hatched!

Clever mummy. And to think that we lost faith in mother nature and her ability to create fabulous new life just like that! Our classes help us to put that faith back, and as a doula, I have to work at keeping the faith. I can’t believe I let it waiver with my mummy duck. She has taught me to keep the trust no matter what the situation!

1. Never say “I have done nothing today”. You’ve been there for your baby. You’ve been instantly interruptible (probably a new skill for you), and instantly available for soothing, comfort and nutrition. Research shows that soothing and comfort are as powerful for baby’s well being as food.
2. Never strive to be perfect, always good enough. On a bad day, say to yourself “I was good enough, and that is good enough”.
3. On a good day, capture the moment and bank it in your memory. Remember how special you are, to be a mum (don’t try this on a bad day).
4. Gather friends around you – especially ones with little babies too. Any-one else will have forgotten what it’s really like, and it’s the biggest protector against postnatal depression.
5. Never chastise yourself for needing sleep, rest, a break, a night out, a rant, or whatever you need. Find a way to get it, because it will strengthen you and help you be a good enough mum.
6. Being “mindful” is a psychological term which is used to deal with frustration and low mood. It means focusing on what this feels like, now, and moving away from thoughts of later, or tomorrow such as things that need doing. So while you are cuddling your baby, focus on the cuddle, the feel of it, the warmth, the movement as your baby breathes etc. Push away any thoughts of what needs doing and when. Just “be” with the here and now. Practice this for ten minutes each day and you will realize how powerful it is.
7. Prolactin (the mothering hormone) makes you a little more anxious, a little more irritable, and more submissive and loving. So never try to be all giving and all loving – there will have to be some irritability and anxiety thrown in. We’re back to never trying to be perfect!
8. The effects of prolactin, coupled with a striving for perfection may mean that you find it hard to let your partner do his bit with baby. However, if you want him to help you when the baby is older and if you want him to understand why you feel so drained and why the house is in a mess, then start to give him time alone with baby now. How else will he become confident and competent with his baby?
9.
If you begin to feel that you aren’t coping and that you are not okay within yourself, or if others start to tell you so, don’t hesitate to see you GP or Health Visitor, or find a counsellor. Post natal depression passes much quicker with help and support, and no one deserves to feel awful, so why not go and get the support to help yourself through it sooner rather than later.
10.
This isn’t a psychological tip for mum, but it is about baby’s psychology. While I don’t normally advise about what to buy (there isn’t really very much that baby needs), I am going to mention the Tummy Tub for your newborn baby. Here’s why http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hnonw1jZDo

His reply was “well that’s easy isn’t it, you just need to relax.” Pleasantly surprised that all my work on birth had begun to see the growth of positive thoughts about birth, I smiled and said “yes that’s right”. He continued, “you see I saw it on Scooby doo, and when the chicken relaxed the egg popped out. Easy.”

So not all my conditioning! But his response was interesting, it demonstrated how early our thoughts around the birth process are conditioned from a very young age. At Mindful Mamma we teach all our clients how important it is to relax and prepare, and of course when you are relaxed and prepared it can be great if you have no underlying fears or apprehensions surrounding birth.

However a large piece of research from Sweden recently showed that preparing with psychoprophilaxis (relaxation techniques) compared to those who hadn’t showed no difference at all in outcomes.

This is hugely important for us hypnotherapists as we know that any underlying fears, whether it is of hospitals or needles, or simply that the mother feels threatened within her birth environment, can trigger the fight or flight response, which feeds into what is known as the fear-tension-pain cycle. As far as we know only preparing using hypnosis, particularly work around fear release, can break this cycle if there are any underlying apprehensions about birth.

Sadly in today’s society we are conditioned to believe that birth is painful, that it’s a medical process and that it can be dangerous from a very young age. I challenge you to find a birth in a film or a TV show that is not dramatic and fear inducing! We are not taught about how beautiful it is, how amazing our bodies are at adapting to birth physically, how the baby helps itself be born, and that actually the sensations and intensity you feel during birth are manageable. When you are free of fear, relaxed and calm your body does what it does naturally.

Imagine an animal in the wild giving birth, if she senses any threat, however small, she will automatically slow labour down. We are exactly the same, when giving birth our primal brain is bought into play, and we react as animals do. We need to disengage the chattering mind to just allow the birth to happen as other mammals do..

We set up the Mindful Mamma one day class to explore this and to teach couples to prepare for the birth they want, to learn they have choice, and to help dads understand how important their role and composure during birth is. In classes you can learn how to release your fear of birth, using hypnosis, to break the cycle of fear, even if it is subconscious, and then visualizations, self-hypnosis and mindfulness to keep mums in their birthing zone.

We have even taught midwives how the impact of their voice, gestures, presence can affect mum psychologically and physically. Amazing stuff!

More and more women are becoming aware of their potential to experience the birth they want, to feel empowered and in control. If you have any pregnant friends, pass this on – it may just get them thinking.

You can download birth MP3s or buy CDs from www.mindfulmamma.co.uk.  Classes start at just £120 and are held across the UK, Australia and Barcelona.

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I’ve been playing den’s with my children this week – a lot. They love den’s, but don’t all children and even adults? I have to admit I’m a bit claustrophobic but I do love curling up in a den every now and again.

This week we had a new fluffy red blanket which we draped over the den – it gave off a warm red glow inside. Rory my son, refused to come out and curled up into the corner, comfortable and calm. I too felt very at peace sitting in there with the sounds outside muffled and tucked up, cosily next to him.

The symbolism may be obvious, but what is so interesting is that after years of being born that I still now get that sense of peace and security when I’m in that den. Certainly I have no recollection of being in the womb, but I have a sense of it.

Often you will hear of people talk about birth memories, memories of being in the womb, or of a birth imprint or body memory. As adults we very seldom have a cognitive memory of being in the womb, rather we may have a sense of what that may have been like through games such as building, hiding out in dens or even listening to the muffled beat of a heart.

The unborn child is just like the newborn in that it is permanently learning and coming to terms with everything new in its environment. Things learned in the womb remain influential later in life. So hiding in dens, listening to the sound of the mother’s heartbeat can have a calming effect even after birth.

On the other hand research looking into prenatal stress indicates that babies who that have suffered from stress in the womb have shown increased heart rates later in their lives. A study by Gerhard Rottmann (1974) suggested that the more conflict, ambivalence and rejection the mother demonstrated in her relationship with the unborn child, the more the child was affected after the birth.

In a study by Theodor Hau some of the things that were shown to be connected to the above were : less sleep, irritability, excessive screaming, apathy, underweight and gastrointestinal problems.

So what am I trying to say with this post? I suppose I want to get more to grips with this idea of body memory, of the feelings imprinted upon us in the womb and at birth and how that affects us as children and adults.

I have absolutely no doubt that the baby feels what the mother feels, and that’s not just while they are in the womb. My children are acutely sensitive, they know when I am upset or down even if I hide it really really well. Being mindful of this and being present enables a mother to spend time with her child and to be calm and at peace. Benefiting not just herself but her child as well.

During pregnancy by remaining calm and relaxed, you are giving your baby the benefit of all those feel good hormones which we know affect them positively in the longer term. Babies that are born to mothers we have worked with are extraordinarily calm. In the longer term we are beginning to see the toddlers with remarkable focus and patience.

Here are 4 simple things that you can do everyday during your pregnancy to slow yourself down, relax and focus on the baby – If you are too busy then prioritise – ask yourself what is important in your life.

• Take 10 minutes out of the day to meditate or reflect on your baby.

• Practice slow belly breathing while listening to music

• Talk to and play with your baby

• Listen to the Mindful Mamma relaxation cd or some other relaxing music