Can a Man Comment on Birth

Men and Birth. What really matters?

I was having a cup of tea and chat with my friend and neighbour last week, when he asked if I had read the piece on Sunday about drug free birth. I said “yes, I had”, in a rather tired way! To be honest, some of the debate it had stirred up had irritated me somewhat. Basically, Denis Walsh had been quoted as saying that natural, drug free childbirth has distinct advantages over epidural deliveries.

A lot of the responses (including my neighbour’s) was that Denis Walsh has no right to comment on women’s experiences. Apparently, it is a woman’s domain, and men aren’t qualified to comment. So how come they are qualified to intervene, into delicate womanly parts with needles, tongs, machines, and all sorts of other paraphernalia. We don’t question that! Is that because they are “rescuing” women from the drama and pain of this cursed condition called childbirth?

I don’t know, but I totally support what Denis apparently said in the media. I am guessing that he was more likely to be quoted because he is a man, but ironically, then shouted down because he is a man. While birthing is most certainly a feminist issue – it is not whether you are a man or a woman that makes a difference – it is what your culture is saying about it that makes it a gender issue.

Both men and women can believe that childbirth is something we should feel slightly uneasy or disgusted about, very fearful about, that we should work to numb the experience as far as possible, and that it is yet another example of how a woman’s body basically lets her down! (along with hormones, periods, breastfeeding and the menopause). She cannot birth without extreme pain or danger of death.

On the flip side, both men and women can believe that childbirth is something we should celebrate and admire, be proud of and in awe of. Isn’t the ability to create a perfect new life something quite amazing? Shouldn’t women be empowered and revered for that? And it doesn’t stop there. As well as bring forth new life, women can sustain it, with their ability to produce life-sustaining milk, which is in fact perfect nutrition, comfort, medicine, vitamins, in a way which nothing else can!

If we were to adopt the latter viewpoint in our society, this might sit slightly uncomfortably for some people. I have had a few fathers in our classes come to me after and say “do you know what? It almost makes me feel a little like I’m missing out”. To be able to celebrate womanhood and the wonder of birthing with due respect and admiration, rather than pity and mistrust, is, I believe, not easy for men or women in our society.

So, to be a man who can celebrate and see the wonder of being a birthing woman, in my eyes, makes him all the more worth listening to, not less. Hooray for Denis. He is not the only one of course – there are some great advocates out there – male and female. Michel Odent – my personal favourite, Ina Mae Gaskin, Sarah J Buckley to name a few. So, to summarise my reaction to the media coverage and reactions, I could write a long essay about the relevance of breaking a leg and needing anaesthesia, and the advantages of drug free birth etc, or i could just express my irritation with a quick comment that to chastise some body’s professional opinion because he is a man is daft. Stop it!

Mia and Sophie
Hypnobirthing Practitioners

BA Hons, MSc Clin Psych, C.Psych, BABCP

Tel: 0845 508 2539

Email: info@mindfulmamma.co.uk
www.mindfulmamma.co.uk

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“I came in with a very sceptical husband who was telling his mates on Saturday night how fantastic the course was and giving tips to those who are going to be Dads later in the year.
We also learned so many simple things that we wouldn’t have even thought about before like the fact that I find it so much easier to relax when Mike is touching me.”

“I would just like to commend you on designing and running such a really fantastic course! It really has empowered both of us,to the point where most of our fears about birth have disappeared already. We have always wanted to go down the natural birth route, but felt that there was not enough support & advice out there about how to do it drug and pain free. Your course, although short, covered pretty much all aspects that I felt were missing from our antenatal classes & many more. Vic now feels a lot more confidant, and I actually feel like I have a proper role in the whole event, other that driving her to the hospital & sitting on the rocking chair! “

“I did really enjoy the course yesterday and I am definitely feeling much more positive, I was surprised actually by how much Luke and I talked about the course immediately after and the impact it has had on Luke, We both feel like he is more involved now and that he has got an invaluable role to play!”

Can a man comment on birth?

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