Katie’s Cat

April 2, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
Mindful Mamma Hypnobirthing

Sox and her kittens

Yesterday my friend Katie rang to say her cat, Sox, had finally given birth to the kittens we knew she was expecting. Last week we were watching her intently over coffee, her belly swaying in time with her step, noticing that as she lay down in various places in the sun trying to get comfortable she couldn’t lie for long.   We had a feel of her belly and you could feel at least 3 kittens in there moving around.   We hedged bets on when she would give birth, neither thinking it would be within the next few days.

Suddenly, Sox’s behaviour changed and she was restless, clawing at boxes in the study near where Katie has been making a box for her to nest in.  Katie put the box down for Sox and left the study. Tom her youngest had been unwell and having a few sleepless nights, so there had been lots of noise and movement through the night, but in the afternoon just after Katie popped the box down and joined Tom for an afternoon nap, Sox snuggled up in the afternoon quiet in her box in the darkness underneath the desk and gave birth to four kittens. Coming down an hour or so after putting the box out and having a nap Katie found her licking the sac off the kittens.

The study has become a no go area so Sox can feed and nurture her kittens in quiet, undisturbed by the three rowdy children in the house.   My children are allowed to go and peek into the box, but not make their presence known and certainly not to touch the kittens at this stage.

We have more in common with Sox in how we birth than we think. One of the prerequisites for a good birth is that the mother is undisturbed, that she feels safe and that her environment supports this.  Sox was in the darkness under a desk away from prying eyes and free from people and interruption. She felt comfortable in her nest. Us humans make a joke of our ‘nesting instinct’ but it’s a wonderful reminder of the instinctive birthing mammal within us.

If you compare the expectations of Sox’s birth to your own, you realize that we didn’t know when Sox’s kittens were to be born, we just knew that she’d been getting bigger and slower! There was no due date at all.  We simply guessed, we even had no idea when labour started.

When Sox gave birth, she instinctively knew when it was quiet and she wouldn’t be interrupted – when the house was sleeping.  This reminds me of a story that someone told me of how she labored really well while her birth attendant was sleeping, and that the gentle reassuring snoring helped her. She knew someone was there, and would be there if she needed them, but at the same time was utterly confident that she wasn’t been watched and would not be interrupted.

Then after the birth, Sox had time to bond with her kittens, us knowing that she may reject them, if the children or we touched them.   Her space will be kept quiet and protected for a few weeks at least.

If you compare this gentle, quiet experience to the bright lights of hospital, people chatting away, noise and interruption everywhere then you can begin to understand where we are going wrong. At the end of the day we are animals, with big brains that get in the way of birth.  Animals don’t have birth manuals, they just know what to do.  Let your brain go to sleep, let your animal instinct wake up and tune into what you want for your birth.   It’s probably not so different from what Sox wanted.

Filed Under: antenatal class, birth, confidence, hypnobirthing, Mindful Birth, pregnant ·

Seven months pregnant and counting.

August 19, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Seven. This seems to be a significant number when it comes to birth.

Phone calls from mums enquiring about our Mindful Mamma antenatal classes often come at 7 – 8 months, a frantic “I’ve only got 12 weeks to go, is it too late?”“The fact that I’ve got to give birth in 8 weeks has only just dawned on me”.Why is it that mums to be suddenly make a psychological shift to thinking about the birth at this stage in their pregnancy?

The pragmatists amongst us would say, well of course the closer we get to something the more we think about it, so it stands to reason that the closer we get to birth, the more prominent that event becomes in our thinking until at one point, at about 7 months, it begins to dominate our thoughts.

Putting pragmatism aside, I still believe that it is uncannily consistent and this interests me; why always seven months? Then I read some research by Cyna et al, one of the better meta analyses of hypnosis for birth, and their findings showed that the best time to start was around the 30-34 mark – the 7- 8 month mark.

I’m sure that it’s because there is shift in the mother towards the birth. For me this is similar to a microcosmic maternal individuation process, an unconscious shift, that begins to integrate the parts of the mother, the baby and the father as well as the surrounding community, in preparation for their new relationship as father and mother and their unit as a family.

Carl Jung, the famous psychoanalyst, talked about individuation as being a process that we undertake largely in the second part of our lives, but I strongly believe that a similar process of individuation takes place, on a smaller scale, in a mother during pregnancy and the birth itself and that this process begins in earnest at around 7 months.

“Jung understood individuation to be something that began in the second half of life, when individuals reach the zenith of their lives and suddenly find themselves facing an unknown vista or some unforeseen upheaval. Sometimes this turning point takes the form of a crisis: such as a financial failure, a health problem, a broken relationship, or a change of residence or profession – something which upsets the status quo. Sometimes this experience assumes the form of a profound self-doubt, a loss of meaning or religious conviction, a questioning of everything previously held so dear. Sometimes it presents itself as a deep yearning or a call to change direction. And many times, it can manifest itself in powerful dreams and fantasies.”

We all know that women have pregnant women have powerful dreams, often difficult to understand.These dreams surface from a maelstrom of feelings and emotions during a time of profound change in true Jungian style.

At this stage all sorts of doubts and worries may begin to come up to the surface, doubts in their ability to birth, doubts as to whether they will be a good mother, feelings about their own childhood or their own relationship to their mother might arise.I’ve even heard some women say that they were faced with their own fear of death, during labour, something described by Leboyer in his landmark video “Birth without Violence”.But how empowering. Imagine being able to face your deepest fears, knowing you are loved and supported by all those around you, and to be able to conquer those fears and to come out on the other side, richer for the experience.

Just as with the formal process of Jungian individuation, with birth we become stronger, different, more aware of our own abilities to reach deep within our own resources and to come out understanding the extent of our own personal power. It is transformational, a gift and it upsets me that this is taken away, damped down and denied by unnecessary interventions or drugs during birth. When people ask me “why not take the drugs”, “what’s the point in experiencing a normal birth when you don’t have to feel anything”, I want to tell them that it is important to feel something, to be aware, to be in command, to be immersed in your true capabilities, but it’s quite an abstract concept to describe to someone who is set on an epidural.

It’s my belief that for some reason 7 months marks the start of this process.In the wonderful book ‘Birth Traditions’ by Jacqueline Vincent Priya different traditions across the world are explored, and they are remarkably consistent, the same themes emerge, but in different ways.One of those that is the ‘7 month ceremony”.

Priya writes that “Seven is a number with magical and spiritual significance…in many places this is the time for a special ceremony. Often this is carried out in the first pregnancy so that as well as protecting the couple and their unborn baby, preparing them for birth, it also established the couple socially in the status of potential family”.

Nowadays I see more of my clients undertaking what’s known as Bessingways to begin this 7 month journey and see it as a more meaningful alternative to a baby shower. It’s an opportunity to invite just a few close friends and have a celebration of the baby’s life and your journey into motherhood.

Here are some suggestions for a few things to do if you wanted to created your own blessingway, to begin your journey towards birth.

Poems – Each friend can bring a poem that represents something they want to share with you as part of your birth journey.

Beads – Some women like to create a bead bracelet for the birth, each friend gives you a bead with a few words to take into the birth with you. So that each time you twist or touch each bead, you are reminded of that friend and their support for you.

Belly Casting- Another popular activity for a blessingway.

Welcoming Wish – Each person writes a small wish for your baby onto a card and ties it to a tree, the mother can then take these down to read during labour and to save for the baby.

Welcome Gifts – Each friend makes a promise to do something to help you after baby is born, eg. your ironing, meals for a few days, to take your baby for a walk while you get some sleep…use your imagination!

These little steps which begin the gentle transformation from mum-to be, to mother in a away that unconsciously strengthens you and prepares you for the incredible experience of birth.

Filed Under: antenatal class, birth, confidence, pregnancy, pregnant · Tagged With: , ,

Nature Nurtures Birth

September 3, 2010 by · Leave a Comment

OMG OMG OMG.

How excited can I get about ducklings? Two have hatched today in my garden. I saw their dark brown fluffy bodies and beautiful shiny eyes, and heard their cute cheep cheep. Seeing them peer out from their nest was almost as lovely as seeing a new baby born, looking up from her mother’s breast. (Actually, newly hatched ducklings are fluffier and less gooey – but not nearly so emotionally heartwarming).

We’ve had ducks for a while. I wanted to hatch some, and I wanted it to be as natural as possible. I knew that newly hatched ducklings imprint onto that which they see move, so they need their mummy around when they hatch, in order to follow mummy duck around the garden. I didn’t want ducklings in a box. I wanted them stumbling over stones and rocks, following mummy frantically and freely.

So we waited. And waited. No signs. These ducks have been bred for eggs, not breeding, so I guessed that their natural instincts had been bred out. And I wondered, while putting the washing out, how quickly instinctive birth can be lost after generations of caesarean sections?

Anyhow, we tried all sorts of other things. Getting chicken hens to sit on the eggs, using a home made incubator, using a posh incubator. To no avail.

Then, suddenly, mummy had made her very own nest, and was sitting on nine eggs! It wasn’t where we wanted her to be – but she was so well hidden that we realised she wasn’t in danger from foxes. We were delighted. But not as delighted as we are now that they have also hatched!

Clever mummy. And to think that we lost faith in mother nature and her ability to create fabulous new life just like that! Our classes help us to put that faith back, and as a doula, I have to work at keeping the faith. I can’t believe I let it waiver with my mummy duck. She has taught me to keep the trust no matter what the situation!

Filed Under: antenatal class, birth, confidence, hypnobirthing, Mindful Birth, pregnancy, pregnant ·

Ten Psychological Tips for Coping with a Newborn Baby

June 1, 2010 by · Leave a Comment

You’ve had so much advice, it’s left you reeling in confusion. Every-one else seems to know exactly what you should do, but this doesn’t really help you to feel in control of the tiredness and emotional changes taking place. Here are some psychological tips to help you through those turbulent early days.

1. Never say “I have done nothing today”. You’ve been there for your baby. You’ve been instantly interruptible (probably a new skill for you), and instantly available for soothing, comfort and nutrition. Research shows that soothing and comfort are as powerful for baby’s well being as food.
2. Never strive to be perfect, always good enough. On a bad day, say to yourself “I was good enough, and that is good enough”.
3. On a good day, capture the moment and bank it in your memory. Remember how special you are, to be a mum (don’t try this on a bad day).
4. Gather friends around you – especially ones with little babies too. Any-one else will have forgotten what it’s really like, and it’s the biggest protector against postnatal depression.
5. Never chastise yourself for needing sleep, rest, a break, a night out, a rant, or whatever you need. Find a way to get it, because it will strengthen you and help you be a good enough mum.
6. Being “mindful” is a psychological term which is used to deal with frustration and low mood. It means focusing on what this feels like, now, and moving away from thoughts of later, or tomorrow such as things that need doing. So while you are cuddling your baby, focus on the cuddle, the feel of it, the warmth, the movement as your baby breathes etc. Push away any thoughts of what needs doing and when. Just “be” with the here and now. Practice this for ten minutes each day and you will realize how powerful it is.
7. Prolactin (the mothering hormone) makes you a little more anxious, a little more irritable, and more submissive and loving. So never try to be all giving and all loving – there will have to be some irritability and anxiety thrown in. We’re back to never trying to be perfect!
8. The effects of prolactin, coupled with a striving for perfection may mean that you find it hard to let your partner do his bit with baby. However, if you want him to help you when the baby is older and if you want him to understand why you feel so drained and why the house is in a mess, then start to give him time alone with baby now. How else will he become confident and competent with his baby?
9.
If you begin to feel that you aren’t coping and that you are not okay within yourself, or if others start to tell you so, don’t hesitate to see you GP or Health Visitor, or find a counsellor. Post natal depression passes much quicker with help and support, and no one deserves to feel awful, so why not go and get the support to help yourself through it sooner rather than later.
10.
This isn’t a psychological tip for mum, but it is about baby’s psychology. While I don’t normally advise about what to buy (there isn’t really very much that baby needs), I am going to mention the Tummy Tub for your newborn baby. Here’s why http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hnonw1jZDo

Filed Under: birth, children, hypnobirthing, Mindful Birth, parenting, pregnant · Tagged With:

Birth but not as well know it….

July 12, 2009 by · Leave a Comment


On Friday as I was leaving for work, I explained to my 5 year old that I was running a day teaching women how to give birth.

His reply was “well that’s easy isn’t it, you just need to relax.” Pleasantly surprised that all my work on birth had begun to see the growth of positive thoughts about birth, I smiled and said “yes that’s right”. He continued, “you see I saw it on Scooby doo, and when the chicken relaxed the egg popped out. Easy.”

So not all my conditioning! But his response was interesting, it demonstrated how early our thoughts around the birth process are conditioned from a very young age. At Mindful Mamma we teach all our clients how important it is to relax and prepare, and of course when you are relaxed and prepared it can be great if you have no underlying fears or apprehensions surrounding birth.

However a large piece of research from Sweden recently showed that preparing with psychoprophilaxis (relaxation techniques) compared to those who hadn’t showed no difference at all in outcomes.

This is hugely important for us hypnotherapists as we know that any underlying fears, whether it is of hospitals or needles, or simply that the mother feels threatened within her birth environment, can trigger the fight or flight response, which feeds into what is known as the fear-tension-pain cycle. As far as we know only preparing using hypnosis, particularly work around fear release, can break this cycle if there are any underlying apprehensions about birth.

Sadly in today’s society we are conditioned to believe that birth is painful, that it’s a medical process and that it can be dangerous from a very young age. I challenge you to find a birth in a film or a TV show that is not dramatic and fear inducing! We are not taught about how beautiful it is, how amazing our bodies are at adapting to birth physically, how the baby helps itself be born, and that actually the sensations and intensity you feel during birth are manageable. When you are free of fear, relaxed and calm your body does what it does naturally.

Imagine an animal in the wild giving birth, if she senses any threat, however small, she will automatically slow labour down. We are exactly the same, when giving birth our primal brain is bought into play, and we react as animals do. We need to disengage the chattering mind to just allow the birth to happen as other mammals do..

We set up the Mindful Mamma one day class to explore this and to teach couples to prepare for the birth they want, to learn they have choice, and to help dads understand how important their role and composure during birth is. In classes you can learn how to release your fear of birth, using hypnosis, to break the cycle of fear, even if it is subconscious, and then visualizations, self-hypnosis and mindfulness to keep mums in their birthing zone.

We have even taught midwives how the impact of their voice, gestures, presence can affect mum psychologically and physically. Amazing stuff!

More and more women are becoming aware of their potential to experience the birth they want, to feel empowered and in control. If you have any pregnant friends, pass this on – it may just get them thinking.

You can download birth MP3s or buy CDs from www.mindfulmamma.co.uk. All CDs are refundable when you book a class. Classes start at just £99 and are held between Newark and Grantham off the A1, in Nottingham, Leicester, Birmingham and Gloucester.

Filed Under: birth, grantham, hypnobirthing, Leicester, nottingham, pregnancy, pregnant ·

The womb is where it all begins…

February 3, 2009 by · Leave a Comment

I’ve been playing den’s with my children this week – a lot. They love den’s, but don’t all children and even adults? I have to admit I’m a bit claustrophobic but I do love curling up in a den every now and again.

This week we had a new fluffy red blanket which we draped over the den – it gave off a warm red glow inside. Rory my son, refused to come out and curled up into the corner, comfortable and calm. I too felt very at peace sitting in there with the sounds outside muffled and tucked up, cosily next to him.

The symbolism may be obvious, but what is so interesting is that after years of being born that I still now get that sense of peace and security when I’m in that den. Certainly I have no recollection of being in the womb, but I have a sense of it.

Often you will hear of people talk about birth memories, memories of being in the womb, or of a birth imprint or body memory. As adults we very seldom have a cognitive memory of being in the womb, rather we may have a sense of what that may have been like through games such as building, hiding out in dens or even listening to the muffled beat of a heart.

The unborn child is just like the newborn in that it is permanently learning and coming to terms with everything new in its environment. Things learned in the womb remain influential later in life. So hiding in dens, listening to the sound of the mother’s heartbeat can have a calming effect even after birth.

On the other hand research looking into prenatal stress indicates that babies who that have suffered from stress in the womb have shown increased heart rates later in their lives. A study by Gerhard Rottmann (1974) suggested that the more conflict, ambivalence and rejection the mother demonstrated in her relationship with the unborn child, the more the child was affected after the birth.

In a study by Theodor Hau some of the things that were shown to be connected to the above were : less sleep, irritability, excessive screaming, apathy, underweight and gastrointestinal problems.

So what am I trying to say with this post? I suppose I want to get more to grips with this idea of body memory, of the feelings imprinted upon us in the womb and at birth and how that affects us as children and adults.

I have absolutely no doubt that the baby feels what the mother feels, and that’s not just while they are in the womb. My children are acutely sensitive, they know when I am upset or down even if I hide it really really well. Being mindful of this and being present enables a mother to spend time with her child and to be calm and at peace. Benefiting not just herself but her child as well.

During pregnancy by remaining calm and relaxed, you are giving your baby the benefit of all those feel good hormones which we know affect them positively in the longer term. Babies that are born to mothers we have worked with are extraordinarily calm. In the longer term we are beginning to see the toddlers with remarkable focus and patience.

Here are 4 simple things that you can do everyday during your pregnancy to slow yourself down, relax and focus on the baby – If you are too busy then prioritise – ask yourself what is important in your life.

  • Take 10 minutes out of the day to meditate or reflect on your baby.

  • Practice slow belly breathing while listening to music

  • Talk to and play with your baby

  • Listen to the Mindful Mamma relaxation cd or some other relaxing music

Filed Under: birth, mindfulness, pregnancy, pregnant · Tagged With: , ,

Does a Textbook HypnoBirth really exist? Well yes, I saw one!

July 27, 2008 by · Leave a Comment

I often say in class, that your midwife may underestimate your progress in labour, as she has not got the “normal” signs to follow that she is used to (such as discomfort, pain, fear, vomiting, and the dreaded “transition” phase). I say this because I often hear mums tell me that their midwife didn’t realize how advanced she was, and I experienced it with my third baby. (The midwife said I wasn’t in labour as I didn’t have that “glow” about me, and I delivered within hours). Well, I have to take this opportunity to tell you that I saw it for myself recently when I had the honour of being at a birth. At the first vaginal examination, the midwife was very surprised to find that mum was fully dilated. Mum knew this deep down, but it was lovely for her to hear confirmation too. And she went on to have her beautiful 9lb baby with no pain medication at all. I don’t normally talk about textbook births, because every birth is unique, and different, and they go in different ways, with or without intervention – and every birth, no matter what happens, is one which every mum and dad should be very proud of. I know that this mum and dad are very proud. And so was I!

Filed Under: antenatal class, birth, hypnobirthing, hypnobirthing nottingham, Mindful Birth, mindfulness, pregnancy, pregnant ·